Legacy

May 31, 2012 //
6

We spent Memorial Day weekend with our four-year old granddaughter and her loving mother and father.  We also spent time with some of my high school classmates.  It was a bookends experience: the limitless possibilities of childhood, where all the world is a stage, and the more focused potential of our senior years, where the triumphs and scars of experience guide the choices we make in creating our present moments.

The wonder of a four-year old was somehow mirrored in the delight of aging companions.  It is only now, two years after our 50th, that some of us are meeting almost for the first time like somewhat familiar strangers.  Over the course of a leisurely and abundant meal the grace that decades of living have taught us brought stimulating conversations and heartfelt sharing.  Whether formally retired or not, the energy to make a difference still pulses in us.

It matters little whether the connections are new or rekindled.  They are threads of a shawl that will join us together in warmth, fellowship and support for the years remaining.

Memorial Day pays tribute to those whose service and sacrifice made possible moments like we shared this past weekend.  To the extent that each of us celebrates with child-like wonder the days given to us, contributes our gifts to the commons and offers our deepest gratitude for being alive and the freedoms we enjoy, we honor their legacy.

Categories Growing Older

26.2 Metaphor

April 26, 2012 //
6

The Boston marathon took place last week on one of the hottest days in its history.  Having run it in 2003, I have some appreciation for what it takes to qualify and to complete it.  More than a marathon, it is metaphor, which is why many people do it.

Emblazoned across the 2003 poster that hangs in our workout room is a phrase that I see every time I step onto the treadmill.  Everything you ever needed to know about yourself you can learn in 26.2 miles.

Some of the lessons to be learned by extending oneself physically include: setting personal goals for the event; discovering the training discipline that works for you to meet those goals; persevering through the days when you don’t feel like it; listening to what your body is telling you; and stretching your body to do more than it ever has before.  At some point you realize that the physical challenges are really just the tools for training your mind to be positive in attitude and consistent in effort.

Each of us has much to learn from our own versions of 26.2 miles.  What are your metaphors?  Starting your own business?  Releasing a fear that has defined you most of your life?  Committing to a relationship?  Raising children?  Caring for animals?  Speaking from the podium or performing on stage?  And what are the small steps you are taking each day to build your attitude and effort for success?

Whatever your marathon, I encourage you to embrace it whole heartedly, and I salute you for going for it!  Stretching your comfort zone in service to your purpose and passion can provide everything you ever needed to know about yourself.

Categories Performance, Personal Growth, Spirituality

What got you here

April 16, 2012 //
2

This past week I learned to administer the EQ-i 2.0, a leading assessment of emotional intelligence (EI). During my training I came across a stunning statistic: 72% of the reasons leaders fail are attributable to their neglect of two factors – interpersonal relationships and self-management.  These are building blocks of emotional intelligence.

In his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith identifies 20 specific behaviors that senior leaders often exhibit to their detriment.  Below are a few examples.  Do any of them sound familiar?

  • Adding too much value: the overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion.
  • Making destructive comments: the needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.
  • Passing judgment: : the need to rate others and impose our standards on them.
  • Speaking when angry: using emotional volatility as a management tool.
  • Refusing to express regret: the inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.

Whether we are in formal leadership positions or “merely” leading our lives, we do well to pay attention to the ways we manage ourselves and the impact of our behavior on others.

We can begin by identifying one habit that we would like to change.  We can then ask ourselves, what is one small step I can take to begin changing it?  Then, as Marshal Goldsmith prescribes for the CEOs whom he coaches, we can ”go public” by telling the person(s) most affected that we are committed to changing that behavior.  Finally, we can ask for their support by gently reminding us when we fall short and affirming us as we change.  Doesn’t this process seem like the emotionally intelligent thing to do?

Categories Leadership, Personal Growth

Chasing the right things

March 26, 2012 //
8

I am reading Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie, enjoying the dying professor’s insight and wit and the author’s simple and compelling delivery.  I read a few pages each day, savoring their lessons and charm.  Today’s excerpt holds a lesson for me and perhaps you as well.  In this passage sportswriter Albom recounts an experience while covering Wimbledon.

“On one particularly crazy day, a crush of reporters had tried to chase down Andre Agassi and his famous girlfriend, Brooke Shields, and I had gotten knocked over by a British photographer who barely muttered “Sorry” before sweeping past, his huge metal lenses strapped around his neck.  I thought of something else Morrie had told me:

So many people walk around with a meaningless life.  They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important.  This is because they’re chasing the wrong things.  The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.  I knew he was right.”

My task today and everyday is to wake up and make sure I’m chasing the right things.

Categories Personal Growth, Spirituality

…to keep dancing

February 17, 2012 //
4

As is often the case, our clients are our teachers.  One of the individuals whom I coach introduced me to Mark Nepo.  As part of his healing process from cancer, Mark wrote The Book of Awakening, a collection of daily meditations.  Today’s message danced across his pages to this post.

Death pushed me to the edge.  Nowhere to back off.  And to the shame of my fears,  I danced with abandon in his face.  I never danced as free.  And Death backed off, the way dark backs off a sudden burst of flame.  Now there’s nothing left, but to keep dancing.  It is the way I would have chosen had I been born three times as brave.

Categories Inspiration, Personal Growth, Spirituality

Self-compassion

December 11, 2011 //
3

In my coaching practice I have been struck by the number of people who are unbelievably hard on themselves. That is why an article by Kristin Neff caught my attention: Self Compassion: The Key to Psychological Well-Being.  You can read the full article by clicking on the title.

A short version of her message goes like this:

  1. There is often a disconnect between feeling and acting compassionate toward others and doing so toward yourself.
  2. Caregivers who care for themselves are less likely to suffer from compassion fatigue.  When you meet your own needs, you will come from a replenished and much more loving mind-set, and that means you will have more to give.
  3. There is a difference between self-esteem and self-compassion.  Self-esteem is judging yourself positively – “This is me; I am good.”  Self-compassion has nothing to do with judgment or evaluation.  Self-compassion is a way of relating to yourself kindly and with concern.
  4. There is mounting evidence that the emotional component of self-compassion is linked to our chemistry.  When you give yourself compassion you release oxytocin, that feel-good hormone that makes us feel safe, secure, loved, and accepted.  When you give yourself a hug to support yourself, when you’re kind to yourself, or generally when you just really care about yourself,  you are actually changing your biochemistry.
  5. There are spiritual dimensions to self-compassion, but I’ll save those for a follow-up post.

Meanwhile, what are some ways you can show compassion to yourself?  A deep breath?  A hand over the heart (self hug)?  An affirmation?  Releasing judgment?  Acknowledging that, like everyone else, you are a child of God, whose every grace is available to you for the receiving?

Categories Personal Growth, Spirituality

Last Words

November 1, 2011 //
1

In her eulogy to Steve Jobs his sister writes, None of us knows for certain how long we’ll be here…We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. She concludes her eulogy with his last words.

Her beautiful tribute nudged me into wondering what my own last words might be. For now I conclude that when my time comes, I don’t want that last breath to bear the burden of an important message. Who knows what capacity any of us will have in that moment?

Why wait for that instant whose timing is unknown? If you could, what would you want to say?

While far from adequate if they were to be my last, these words to my loved ones would suffice for now:

Thank you for our dance. Thank you for the blessings of your companionship, your laughter and your music. Thank you for the abundance you have brought to my living. For the times I have hurt you, I ask forgiveness. Hold in memory the best in me, as I carry with me the best in you. May your days be mindful, loving and filled with joy.  I love you.

Categories Uncategorized

How to Fix Congress

October 26, 2011 //
1

Warren Buffett’s recent quote in an interview on CNBC got my attention.  “I could end the deficit in five minutes.  You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3%, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election.”

The same email that introduced Buffett’s quote proposed The Congressional Reform Act of 2011.  It’s contents are seven simple principles.

  1. No tenure / no pension  -  a congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
  2. Congress (past, present and future) participates in Social Security - all funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately.  All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people.   It may not be used for any other purpose.
  3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan – just as all Americans do.
  4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise - Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPA or 3%.
  5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
  6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.
  7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.

Since it is unlikely that Congress would initiate such legislation, we should think of a constitutional amendment.  It may not be too far-fetched.  The 26th amendment (granting 18 year olds the right to vote) took only 3 months and 8 days to be ratified!  Why?  Simple!  The people demanded it.  That was in 1971…before computers, e-mail and cell phones.

Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took one year or less to become the law of the land, all because of public pressure.

What do you think?

Categories Leadership

Bless This House

September 18, 2011 //
2

Peggy and I attended a special house-warming yesterday.  Our friends Alan and Johnathon are artists, teachers, writers and coaches.   Johnathon has just accepted appointment as Director of Opera at the Boston Conservatory.

We met them in 2006 when we attended three workshops that Alan facilitated on clarifying one’s purpose in life and moving fully into living that purpose.   Those workshops shaped the direction that Peggy and I have been pursuing ever since.  Alan directs the Center for Transformational Presence, and I highly commend him, his books, his training, his coaching and his singing!

Most who attended were former clients who live in the region and some of their new neighbors.  We came to bless their home with music, poems, reflections, rituals, food and libations.  It was a joyous occasion.  While Peggy and I knew a few people whom we had met when we did our training, most folks were new to us.  Except they weren’t.  It was like having a family reunion and meeting relatives for the first time, only, connecting deeply with them right away and wishing you could spend more time with them.

One person brought a hymn that we sang.  The words by Louis Untermeyer describe the space that Alan and Johnathon have created, even in the two short months they have lived there.   It is the kind of energy that Peggy and I seek to create for our home.  As you read them, may they bless you and the sacred spaces of your dwelling.

By faith made strong, the rafters will withstand the battering of the storm.  This hearth, though all the world grow chill, will keep you warm.

Peace shall walk softly through these rooms, touching our lips with holy wine, till every casual corner blooms into a shrine.

With laughter drown the raucous shout, and, though these sheltering walls are thin, may they be strong to keep hate out and hold love in.

Categories Inspiration, Spirituality

What’s wrong here?

August 31, 2011 //
1

According to a recent study reported in an article by David Kocieniewski in today’s NY Times, 25 top US companies paid more to their leaders in 2010 than they paid to the federal government in taxes.  What’s wrong here?

The companies that include eBay, Boeing, General Electric and Verizon averaged $1.9 billion each in profits.  A variety of shelters, loopholes and tax reduction strategies, however, allowed the companies to average more than $400 million each in tax benefits.   Verizon, which earned $11.9 billion in pretax US profits, received a federal tax refund of $705 million.  The compensation package of the company’s CEO was $18.1 million.  EBay reported pretax profits of $848 million and received a $113 million federal refund.  EBay’s CEO collected a compensation package worth $12.4 million.

A spokesman for the research group that conducted the study, commented: “Instead of sharing responsibility for addressing our nation’s fiscal challenges, corporations are rewarding CEOs for aggressive tax avoidance.”

What’s wrong here in terms of the values that drive certain leaders?  What’s wrong here in terms of shared “sacrifice” for closing the deficit?  Do you think the Congressional committee of 12 will recommend adjustments to this situation as part of their package of recommendations?

Categories Leadership
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