The serenity prayer inspires us to change those things we can control, accept what we can’t change and cultivate the wisdom to know the difference. Often, we can take control over much more of life than we initially think possible. The question becomes, how do we take charge?

Over 30 years of research and practice conducted by the Self-Management Group yields two elements that do the most to affect performance: attitude and effort. A positive attitude coupled with sustained effort yields the highest performance. Those of us who have run marathons, launched businesses, learned to live with debilitating diseases, trekked or paddled in remote places, or lived with a host of other major challenges know the importance of optimism and perseverance.

The question becomes how? How do we cultivate a positive attitude? How do we sustain our effort? Charles Duhigg provides the key in his book The Power of Habit. Habits control more of our lives than we realize, and we can change them. Four of Duhigg’s conclusions struck me.

1) The brain seeks habitual responses in order to free itself either for rest or for more complex tasks.

2) More than 40 per cent of the actions we perform each day aren’t decisions but habits.

3) Habits can be changed if we understand how they work.

4) There are keystone habits that leverage significant change in individuals, organizations and societies.

We will explore more about habits in future posts. Meanwhile, what is one habit you wish to change? Is it related to your attitude or your effort or both? Developing new habits will enable us to take charge of our personal lives and inspire the teams and organizations we lead.

Each day the media delivers a preponderance of news that is discordant to my values. I think of the polarization of gotcha politics; the insidious and blatant strains of racism; the persecutions of righteous fanaticism, secular and religious; the degradation of domestic violence; the myriad manifestations of a self-absorbed culture.

Trying to understand I turn first to what motivates us as human beings. Historically it has been to avoid pain and to seek pleasure. At the core of each is fear, fear of being hurt or not being worthy. Fear of not being hurt is certainly basic to our survival, but once we are safe does fear suffice? On the other hand, can the constant quest for pleasure supplant our fear of never being good enough?

Viktor Frankl and more recently Daniel Pink identify other motivators: the search for meaning (purpose), autonomy (independence) and mastery (control and the pursuit of excellence). For many of us having purpose in our lives and being able to control our destiny are inspirational motivators.

Whatever drives us as human beings, the code words for me are this: do we look at life as either/or, or do we embrace it as both/and? The former view says that one of is right and the other wrong; for one to win the other must lose. Both/and acknowledges that each of us holds a truth and that we are tethered; “winning” accrues benefit to both.

Embracing both/and is to appreciate paradox, the reality that two apparently contradictory assertions can be true at the same time. Both/and also recognizes nuance, the subtle layers of meaning that reveal a richer reality. Whether or not we are able to arrive as a species, the path to a higher consciousness follows the route of both/and.

What do you fear?  Maybe the best way to deal with it is to lean into it.

It was minus ten degrees this past week – not unusual for winter in New Hampshire. Those of us accustomed to this climate know that we must be aware of two consequences: frostbite and hypothermia.

Exposed flesh freezes quickly when the temperature dips below zero (F). The likelihood increases dramatically when you add wind to the equation.  Freezing flesh kills it, leaving dead or damaged tissue when it is re-warmed.

If the body itself cools down below a certain point, critical functions are at risk and begin to shut down.  This is called hypothermia.  Without warming death is inevitable.

A survival technique I learned in Outward Bound years ago requires you to burrow in the snow to stay warm.  It is counterintuitive, a fact that has a great lesson to teach us about life and our fears.  One day I built an igloo out of blocks of snow and ice and slept in it that night.  The temperature outside dropped to -15 (F).  The temperature inside the igloo was 15 degrees.  While I was dressed warmly for my experiment, those 30 degrees could be the difference between life and death for someone less prepared.

I dare say few of us will try this stunt.  On the other hand, every one of us faces harsh realities and the consequences of our fears.  The lesson here may be: rather than let our fears freeze us, we should lean into them in order to reduce their hold on us.