Daily life is filled with our encounters with others.  Many meetings are in person. Many more arrive on our digital devices. Sometimes, like ocean waves people can lift us off our feet and pummel us. At other times, they can elevate us to see new possibilities.

It’s a mixture isn’t it?  Every day we meet people doing the best they can to live their lives, and we realize they are us and we are they.  As we compare ourselves to others, we see those who inspire or intimidate us with their virtues and achievements. We also encounter those whose beliefs are repugnant to our values and whose behaviors repel us.  What can we acquire from all whom we meet?

In Pocketful of Miracles, Joan Borysenko nudges us with two entries during the month of August. The first is to ask the question: “What can I learn from this person?” If it is someone who inspires, what steps might I take to emulate their path or prowess. If it is someone with whom I disagree, what truths about my values do they clarify or reinforce for me, and what actions might I take in response?

The second suggestion builds on two dynamics in psychology. The first is projection, a defense mechanism in which we attribute to someone else thoughts, feelings and ideas of our own that we consider unacceptable. The second dynamic is identification, in which we seek to pattern ourselves after those whom we admire.

Borysenko encourages us to be aware of any judgments we hold about another’s behaviors or attitudes and the truths our judgments may hold for us.  She also commends a mantra that Ram Dass uses to manage his own projections and aspirations: “And I am that, too.”

Reflecting on the fear that fuels our tribal allegiances and separates us from one another, I came across the inspirational post of indigenous elder, Steven Charleston. His messages are brief and insightful and appear a few times each week on Facebook.

The gentle but firm spirit of his commentaries appeals to our better angels and serves as a needed antidote to the accelerating volume of conflict and division.

It seems that increasingly we consign ourselves to competing clans, intent upon raising ourselves up by putting others down. We think in zero sum terms; for some of us to win, others must lose. In doing so we neglect the life-giving and sustaining cords that connect us as living beings. These bonds are the basis of compassion, love in action. They stem from what Bishop Charleston calls kinship.

Here is a simple but profound piece of wisdom from the tradition of America’s indigenous people: kinship is the spiritual cornerstone for community. Kinship is the sense of relatedness, the acknowledgement that all of life is interconnected and mutually dependent. Kinship bonds humanity to creation and unifies diversity into a matrix of compassion. It says we need one another and must care for one another, no matter how different we may seem. Kinship is the basis for an ethical society. Power builds on fear, kinship builds on trust.

Centuries ago the prophet Micah also called people to strengthen the bonds of kinship: to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly. May our hearts hear and summon the courage to turn toward each other rather than away.