I am a problem solver and a doer, and when it comes to seeing people wrestling with life’s challenges I tend to want to “fix it.”  In part it may be a guy thing, or it may be related to my temperament.

As a coach and a caregiver, however, I have to check myself, because this tendency does not serve me or my clients well.  It is more important for me to help them clarify their challenge(s) and their options and then hold the space for them to choose their course.

The same applies to our more intimate relationships.  If you are also a “fixer,” today’s meditation from Mark Nepo in The Book of Awakening is a good reminder to us.

“Frequently, this reflex to solve, rescue, and fix removes us from the tenderness at hand.  For often, intimacy arises not from any attempt to take the pain away, but from living through together; not from a working out, but from a being with.  Trust and closeness deepen from holding and being held, both emotionally and physically. 

I’m learning, pain by pain and tension by tension, that after all my strategies fail, the strength of love waits in receiving and not negotiating; in accepting each other and not problem solving each other; in listening and affirming each other, not trying to change or fix those we love.”