…to keep dancing

February 17, 2012 //

As is often the case, our clients are our teachers. One of the individuals whom I coach introduced me to Mark Nepo. As part of his healing process from cancer, Mark wrote The Book of Awakening, a collection of daily meditations. Today’s message danced across his pages to this post.

Death pushed me to the edge. Nowhere to back off. And to the shame of my fears, I danced with abandon in his face. I never danced as free. And Death backed off, the way dark backs off a sudden burst of flame. Now there’s nothing left, but to keep dancing. It is the way I would have chosen had I been born three times as brave.

Categories Inspiration, Personal Growth, Spirituality

Self-compassion

December 11, 2011 //

In my coaching practice I have been struck by the number of people who are unbelievably hard on themselves. That is why an article by Kristin Neff caught my attention: Self Compassion: The Key to Psychological Well-Being. You can read the full article by clicking on the title.

A short version of her message goes like this:

There is often a disconnect between feeling and acting compassionate toward others and doing so toward yourself.
Caregivers who care for themselves are less likely to suffer from compassion fatigue. When you meet your own needs, you will come from a replenished and much more loving mind-set, and that means you will have more to give.
There is a difference between self-esteem and self-compassion. Self-esteem is judging yourself positively – “This is me; I am good.” Self-compassion has nothing to do with judgment or evaluation. Self-compassion is a way of relating to yourself kindly and with concern.
There is mounting evidence that the emotional component of self-compassion is linked to our chemistry. When you give yourself compassion you release oxytocin, that feel-good hormone that makes us feel safe, secure, loved, and accepted. When you give yourself a hug to support yourself, when you’re kind to yourself, or generally when you just really care about yourself, you are actually changing your biochemistry.
There are spiritual dimensions to self-compassion, but I’ll save those for a follow-up post.

Meanwhile, what are some ways you can show compassion to yourself? A deep breath? A hand over the heart (self hug)? An affirmation? Releasing judgment? Acknowledging that, like everyone else, you are a child of God, whose every grace is available to you for the receiving?

Categories Personal Growth, Spirituality

Last Words

November 1, 2011 //

In her eulogy to Steve Jobs his sister writes, None of us knows for certain how long we’ll be here…We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. She concludes her eulogy with his last words.

Her beautiful tribute nudged me into wondering what my own last words might be. For now I conclude that when my time comes, I don’t want that last breath to bear the burden of an important message. Who knows what capacity any of us will have in that moment?

Why wait for that instant whose timing is unknown? If you could, what would you want to say?

While far from adequate if they were to be my last, these words to my loved ones would suffice for now:

Thank you for our dance. Thank you for the blessings of your companionship, your laughter and your music. Thank you for the abundance you have brought to my living. For the times I have hurt you, I ask forgiveness. Hold in memory the best in me, as I carry with me the best in you. May your days be mindful, loving and filled with joy. I love you.

Categories Uncategorized

How to Fix Congress

October 26, 2011 //

Warren Buffett’s recent quote in an interview on CNBC got my attention. “I could end the deficit in five minutes. You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3%, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election.”

The same email that introduced Buffett’s quote proposed The Congressional Reform Act of 2011. It’s contents are seven simple principles.

No tenure / no pension – a congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
Congress (past, present and future) participates in Social Security – all funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.
Congress can purchase their own retirement plan – just as all Americans do.
Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise – Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPA or 3%.
Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.
All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.

Since it is unlikely that Congress would initiate such legislation, we should think of a constitutional amendment. It may not be too far-fetched. The 26th amendment (granting 18 year olds the right to vote) took only 3 months and 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people demanded it. That was in 1971…before computers, e-mail and cell phones.

Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took one year or less to become the law of the land, all because of public pressure.

What do you think?

Categories Leadership

Bless This House

September 18, 2011 //

Peggy and I attended a special house-warming yesterday. Our friends Alan and Johnathon are artists, teachers, writers and coaches. Johnathon has just accepted appointment as Director of Opera at the Boston Conservatory.

We met them in 2006 when we attended three workshops that Alan facilitated on clarifying one’s purpose in life and moving fully into living that purpose. Those workshops shaped the direction that Peggy and I have been pursuing ever since. Alan directs the Center for Transformational Presence, and I highly commend him, his books, his training, his coaching and his singing!

Most who attended were former clients who live in the region and some of their new neighbors. We came to bless their home with music, poems, reflections, rituals, food and libations. It was a joyous occasion. While Peggy and I knew a few people whom we had met when we did our training, most folks were new to us. Except they weren’t. It was like having a family reunion and meeting relatives for the first time, only, connecting deeply with them right away and wishing you could spend more time with them.

One person brought a hymn that we sang. The words by Louis Untermeyer describe the space that Alan and Johnathon have created, even in the two short months they have lived there. It is the kind of energy that Peggy and I seek to create for our home. As you read them, may they bless you and the sacred spaces of your dwelling.

By faith made strong, the rafters will withstand the battering of the storm. This hearth, though all the world grow chill, will keep you warm.

Peace shall walk softly through these rooms, touching our lips with holy wine, till every casual corner blooms into a shrine.

With laughter drown the raucous shout, and, though these sheltering walls are thin, may they be strong to keep hate out and hold love in.

Categories Inspiration, Spirituality

What’s wrong here?

August 31, 2011 //

According to a recent study reported in an article by David Kocieniewski in today’s NY Times, 25 top US companies paid more to their leaders in 2010 than they paid to the federal government in taxes. What’s wrong here?

The companies that include eBay, Boeing, General Electric and Verizon averaged $1.9 billion each in profits. A variety of shelters, loopholes and tax reduction strategies, however, allowed the companies to average more than $400 million each in tax benefits. Verizon, which earned $11.9 billion in pretax US profits, received a federal tax refund of $705 million. The compensation package of the company’s CEO was $18.1 million. EBay reported pretax profits of $848 million and received a $113 million federal refund. EBay’s CEO collected a compensation package worth $12.4 million.

A spokesman for the research group that conducted the study, commented: “Instead of sharing responsibility for addressing our nation’s fiscal challenges, corporations are rewarding CEOs for aggressive tax avoidance.”

What’s wrong here in terms of the values that drive certain leaders? What’s wrong here in terms of shared “sacrifice” for closing the deficit? Do you think the Congressional committee of 12 will recommend adjustments to this situation as part of their package of recommendations?

Categories Leadership

What Time Is It?

August 17, 2011 //

Like many people I have been deeply troubled in the past several months by the behavior of politicians in this country and the entourage of special interests that feed them. If not lost already, we seem to be losing our way as human beings, citizens and leaders. If this is the model of our democracy, we should not be surprised that others turn away.

During this time I have read Dan Millman’s Way of the Peaceful Warrior. In the book Dan’s mentor asks two questions. What time is it? and Where are we? He accepts only two answers as correct — Now and Here.

Warrior energy is often associated with fighting and violence. Examples abound, from the literal warfare being waged around the globe today to the virulent polarization between political, religious, economic and cultural camps.

Fortunately, the warrior archetype also includes qualities that may be harnessed for peace — showing up, being aware and taking compassionate action. Peace begins here and now within each of us, as we commit to being mindful in the moment, clear in establishing the yes and no boundaries of what we will tolerate, courageous in acting and loving in the way we conduct ourselves.

In her book The Four Fold Way Angeles Arrien identifies three kinds of power — the power of position, the power of communication and the power of presence. The archetype of the Warrior requires us to use power in an enlightened way that incorporates integrity, alignment of speech and action, honor and respect and serves humanity fairly and justly.

Arrien leans to the power of presence, which draws on our spiritual wellsprings within. It is the energy of the peaceful warrior. It is the place where each of us can begin. Empowering ourselves now and here may just inspire others to do the same.

Categories Leadership, Spirituality

The Soft Side

July 8, 2011 //

In the closing days of June I flew to Oregon for a retreat; five men spanning the ages from 40 – 68. What we shared from the past was the fact that each of us had led Outward Bound programs. What we share today unfolded.

It was like paddling a new river without map or guidebook. Around each bend we discovered beautiful vistas. We encountered and navigated churning rapids. We also eddied out frequently to spend time in quiet pools of reflection. There was no other destination than to be together and explore and nurture the “soft” side.

Sure, we played hard, as competitive guys will do – mountain biking, hiking and running. We practiced a new form of yoga that had us all sweating and laughing profusely. We ate well and with relish the meals we prepared. We played some music and spent time in the sauna and hot tub. Basically, we gave our little boys permission to run free from their entrapped shoulds of grown-up roles and responsibilities.

We also shared some of the tender underbelly of our lives. We listened to each other. We honored each other’s journeys, especially the traumas that had left their various scars on each of us. All of us are coaches, business owners and OD consultants. One of the gifts we gave to and received from each other was the undivided attention, perceptive questions and unconditional support of the other four competent professionals.

This post is meant as a tribute to my brothers for the time we shared and the depths we traveled together. It is also meant as a hopeful reminder to the women and men who read it that guys can and do go to their “soft” side. We realize that doing so helps us step more fully into the light of who we are as men and more effectively into our partnerships with those we love.

Categories Men's Issues

Shaping the Human Mind

June 17, 2011 //

I just received a beautiful message from my friend, Anne Hillman, and was moved to share it with you. Anne is the author of Awakening the Energies of Love and The Dancing Animal Woman. To learn more about her work and her upcoming Living a Surrendered Life Retreats, go to www.annehillman.net. Thanks, Anne, for this gift.

I tend to think that new life emerges from seeds and forget a far more ancient truth. Today, I find myself celebrating the way it can also arise from the very old–like the tiny seedlings sprouted from the living root of a giant redwood tree. This new life simply claims the giant’s root as its own, surrenders to its impetus, and grows toward the light.

How do we cooperate with life’s gradual shaping of the human mind – its painstaking work of drawing us towards the light of greater awareness? As I see it, the action required is to trust the great root on which we stand – and learn to surrender. Some see surrender as defeat, a capitulation to an outer force, but it is really an inner relaxation – into the root.

What does this use of the word ‘root’ mean to you? That matters. For when you know what you rest on and can relax into it, your heart opens to life’s secret – its creative impetus conveyed beneath thought: a feeling, an intuition, an image, or a confirming synchronicity.

Subtle clues like these remind us that there is infinitely more to life – a reality we barely notice but that the body knows intimately – a wisdom built into the great root on which we live. When we remain exquisitely attuned to life’s presence in this way, it will often surprise us; nudge us to be more authentic, to improvise, to move in a new direction. Its whispered hints may feel absurd, even impossible. But if you dare to follow them, you will be adding more light to life’s deep need for it at this time.

Categories Spirituality

The Cheapest Room in the House

June 15, 2011 //

I just returned from another wonderful workshop with students in the Touched By A Horse certification program. The weather blessed us with the light and warmth of Colorado in late spring. There was also much joy as we celebrated the graduation of five members of our human herd.

In contrast, while I was filled with admiration for the work that individuals did with their equine partners, I departed with a shadow brooding on my shoulder. Why do so many of us hide our talents? What are the fears that keep us from moving forward? As a coach, how can I help others move beyond their fears into the fullness of their gifts?

If we are honest with ourselves, each of us can acknowledge that when we turn over the boulders that block us, we find our fears lurking beneath. None of us is immune. So, how do we let the sunlight shine on our dark places in order to shrivel our fears?

One small place to begin is to find some sources of inspiration in poetry, prose or pictures and for a few moments each day open ourselves to messages from the universe. Do you know the 14th century prophet and poet, Hafiz? If not find The Gift translated by Daniel Ladinsky. Among other things his playfulness and outrageous humor poke holes in our pretensions and discouragement in order to let the divine spirit enter.

For starters here are some verses from Hafiz to my friends whose fears are keeping them from stepping fully into their light.

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions, for your mother and my mother were friends. I know the Innkeeper in this part of the universe. Get some rest tonight, come to my verse again tomorrow. We’ll go speak to the Friend together…

God wants to see more love and playfulness in your eyes for that is your greatest witness to Him. Your soul and my soul once sat together in the Beloved’s womb playing footsie. Your heart and my heart are very, very old Friends.

Categories Inspiration